with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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