OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need a beard to bite.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
