Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
