I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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