Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
