I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
