OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
