My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.