if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.