i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave