im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.