Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.