why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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