Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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