Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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