hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize