Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Boobs are out for the taking
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
