pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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