My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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