Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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