I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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