yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
