You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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