I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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