sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
