I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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