It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
