dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
