No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
