I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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