She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's always time for handjobs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize