I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
