bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
