I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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