yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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