I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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