I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i came on her dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
