I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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