the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
