I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mom said you looked used
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
