He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
