Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
