He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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