I just cut my nipple shaving
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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