Say something about gay babies.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
