for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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