I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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