I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
