I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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