every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
