lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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