I cannot find my penis.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
