Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
