we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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