the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
