His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
