I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
