I hate all girls vehemently.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
