Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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