Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.