last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.