if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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