Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.