You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day