I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year