So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
