I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love you. Go after that dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
