She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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