I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
