ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
