I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
