We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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