i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
