I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
