HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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