Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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