carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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