I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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