Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wear drunk well.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
