he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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