I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
