dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
