Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
