I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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